Update

Oh, Bloggity. I've missed you. I pulled you up quite a few times, stared at a blank screen, and realized I'd rather be doing something else. You're not a chore, per se, just that with me and writing, there's always an element of mind-digging that I'm not always in the mood for. That being said, I feel like I need some mind-digging right now, as this dilemma is...a big one. In a weird way.

But first, a few quick updates since February. (ugh. I'm a failure)

-I finished up the semester like a champ. ish. but whatever. I passed everything with fairly decent grades, and am moving onto senior year. (Whatever that means. Credit-wise, I've been a senior for a couple of years now.)
-After sending out hundreds (I'm not even exaggerating--I quit counting around 225) of resumes, I received one callback from a nearby coffee shop on the beach. *le sigh* So after my promises to never work for an indie shop or in coffee again, I'm rocking my barista pants. The place is fun, the people I work for are great, and there's been no drama with getting paid or co-workers or owners or anything. I like it.
-I'm not even sure if I was a part of FYAE the last time I wrote here. But. James asked me at some point to help him run his music page FYAE, and it's been on ever since. We've more than doubled our followship since I took part, we've done some interviews with some amazing musicians, and have even gotten major label albums sent to us for review. AND AND AND...guest list tickets for the Portugal. The Man show in Orlando in October. There are moments I want to punch James for being needy and bossy, but for the most part, he and I work well together and this has become just as important to me as it is to him. We've got Jen working on a logo for us, there's talk of us building a real website, and...good things. This is my other job, it feels like. The job where I get paid in "likes" instead of money.
-I joined a gym a few weeks ago, and have lost six pounds so far. I don't like working out, I still hate vegetables, and am crabby about not putting half-n-half in my coffee, but this is something I've needed to do for a long ass time, and I'm doing my best to make it a priority.

That's it for the easily listed stuff, I think. Onto the more complicated things, of which, mainly, there are three.

While I'm super duper stoked at the idea of graduating, the whole intense fear of "What next?" is definitely there. Grad school isn't exactly on the table right now, and...well, my degree on its own is pretty useless as far as getting me into a psychology-related job. I'm trying to remain positive here, but it's hard when...well, you're me. This is multiplied when I consider the fact that I have no idea where I'll be living next year.

Which brings me to the next thing: the relationship thing. Just when I feel like I've got a handle on things, life throws a wrench in my gears. Out of nowhere, I get a facebook message from Ian, who I haven't heard from in years. Our relationship back then was...complicated, to say the least. We ended things on a rough note--a dispute over religious beliefs, which...I won't get into at this point. Regardless. He facebooked me with a heartfelt apology, and we've since reconnected. At first it was fairly innocent catching up, but flirting has happened on both ends, which...gives me the guilt. It doesn't help that right now Greg and I are in another "not speaking all that often due to schedules" spiral. It's lead to me to a lot of questioning. I don't particularly want to go out and replace Greg with another long distance situation, but at the same time, I find myself getting angrier and more frustrated, and Ian has paid a lot of attention to me as of late. It's confusing.

There are pros and cons to each person, in regards to the contemplation of the relationship. Even just from a personality standpoint. Greg and I work in very similar fashions and have very similar life views and personalities. There are vast differences on the surface, but the important things mesh well. Ian and I operate differently in a lot of ways--he's extremely extroverted, he's very serious (compared to Greg, who is my goofball counterpart), and has a conservative streak that I don't have. I also really have no desire to live in Indiana--none. Indy's not my home anymore and I really have no emotional attachment to it.

I don't know. The whole thing is confusing and complicated, and I keep wondering if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. My plan right now is just let things happen as they will and see where it takes me. I don't know what will happen, but for now, I'm just trying to make sure that I make the best decision for me in the long run.

I don't know, Bloggy. I wanna keep writing, but I'm tired and my brain is full. I think I'll pick this up later.

Yarrrrr

I always have the best of intentions with you, bloggy-poo. "I'm going to update at least once a week!"...and then I get wrapped up in my own shenanigans and all of a sudden five weeks or three months or whatever have gone by, and I feel that annoying pang of guilt that I should be updating more, because maybe this is the only way that people keep track of me or whatever, so...yeah. If that's you, lo siento. Take some solace in my guilt or something. *wink*

Anyway. What is there to say these days? School takes up most of my time...except days like today, where I'd been so wrapped up in my beautifully balanced homework/internet surfing that I glanced over at my clock and realized I should have left about twenty minutes prior and that it would appear I was taking the day off. Oops. This happens more than I'd like to admit. And to think at one point the powers that be wanted to diagnose me with ADHD. Ha. Not likely.

Hmm. The boy front. A minor setback, in that he and I spending time together for spring break isn't happening. However. It's for a legitimate reason--apparently, ever since his work was in the student show at school, there's been a local gallery owner scouting him, and he's been super swamped trying to put together pieces for that, as well as getting ready for the ceramics conference in Houston, and with his regular class load on top of it...yeah. He's taking spring break to make sure that he gets everything done. Which I was upset about for about 48 hours, and then realized that...well, pouting about it doesn't really change things, so I might as well be happy about the fact that I won't have to try and split up time between Greg and my friends, and I should just be happy that he's doing so well in school and his art seems to be taking him somewhere. If nothing else, we still have plans for him to come down this summer and his parents are still still planning the Disney/Harry Potter world vacation of a lifetime, so...I will him this summer. Boom. In the meantime, I'm doing me, he's doing him, and we're working towards us. Good things. The distance thing is rough, but hopefully after we both finish school, we can make a real honest go of things.

His student art show display. Totally legit. 

Greg and one of his recent sculpture pieces. He's the only person I know who is more awkward in photos than I am. xD

Things are still a little hazy on the job front. I gave myself until after spring break to start legitimately looking again.  Kay told me last night that the new revamped hospital coffee shop opened yesterday...and to go beg for a job. Erica has a hypothetical job opportunity working for one of the women she works with, who apparently owns a winery or something. I'll harass these places upon my return from StL, plus the internet. I need to get some cash flow happening. Luckily, I'm getting back a decent tax return this year, but thanks to a law passed by G Dubs Jr, I'm going to have to come up with a semester's worth of tuition on my own without federal aid. Some of us aren't trying to trick the government into giving us money to be professional students. Some of us were just indecisive and had some trouble finding the right school and major. Annoying. I wish I could blow it off, but that semester will be my last undergrad if all goes accordingly, so...yeah. Need to come up with monies now.

 The family is fine. Mom and Dave finally set a wedding date--March 22. They're not having a huge ceremony--just going to the courthouse. The next week they're going on a honeymoon of sorts...they're going to NASA. lol. Leave it to these nerds to wanna look at spaceships and junk to celebrate their marriage. Whatever. I get an empty house for the week...well, me and the zoo. My brother and I are still not speaking since our throw-down in November, although I've talked to Kasie a few times. Her thyroid cancer seems to be going well--she got through surgery just fine, and we're just waiting to hear whether it's spread and the next step. The munchkins are also doing fine, as far as I know. Kasie sends me pictures fairly often, including this one, in which their nerdiness is showing.

Mikey and Lizzie, superkids. 

There are points in which I really wish that my brother and I were closer, but we're so different on how we view the world these days, it's hard to even have a conversation with him. He's so closed-minded and bitter, it's hard to even have a conversation with him without wanting to smack him. He resents me living here with mom, he resents the fact that I refuse to build any sort of relationship with our biological father's family, he resents my issues with depression, my job issues, and...pretty much all of my life choices to this point. Meanwhile, while the choices he's made are not necessarily the choices I would have made myself or for him, if he's happy, I'm happy for him. The only thing that really upsets me is his new gun obsession and his need to post all these gun pictures on facebook. I don't like the idea of friggin automatic rifles in the house with the munchkins, not to mention advertising it all over facebook. But...whatever. Not much I can do from Florida while he's in Montana. And I have Cody. Sometimes I want to clobber him, but as far as stepbrothers go, he's the
tops. I just wish he didn't eat all the time always and watch so much Big Bang Theory. I'm really starting to hate that show just from sheer exposure.

Hockey Hockey Hockeyyyyy. I got to go to my first hockey in AGES with the Ritters and Jhanavi. Erica threw me in a Lightning jersey, it was weird, and I had to fight really hard not to yell "Let's Go Blues!" throughout most of the game. Regardless, it was amazing, and I'm super excited to get to a game with Katherine in a couple of weeks.

Jhanavi, Ryan, Thunderbug, Erica, and yours truly.

 
Ok. I need to shove on. But look bloggy-poo, I put pictures up, not to mention gave a pretty decent update on things. BE PROUD.

...I'll try real hard to see you soon. <3 br="">

Back into the swing of things.

It's been a few minutes since I've updated, and I've got plenty to update about, so...let's get to it, shall we?

--I survived my first semester at USF, which is pretty exciting (at least, to me.) I did fairly decently...I ended up with an A+ in lit, an A in spanish, a B+ in cognitive psych, a B in social psych, and a C in stats. (A C that really should be a C+, if it weren't for the fact that he didn't "believe" in the +/- system. How can you not believe in it if it's a real thing? Stupid.) So, I got a 3.3 for the semester, which bumped my cumulative GPA a tad bit. Right now it's hovering right below a 3.1, so as long as I keep on track the next couple of semesters, I should be more than covered for the GPA aspect of getting into grad school. (Most schools are looking for a 3.0 or higher GPA, so while I'll more than likely be on the lower end of that, hopefully I can make it up with decent GRE scores.)

--Going to see Greg in Memphis was absolutely wonderful. We had a lot of low-key fun, since neither of us really oozing excess funds to do a ton of stuff, but it was just wonderful to get to spend time with him again and to meet his family. His parents are adorable and sweet, and we got along great. (This was something I was generally terrified of going into it.) I'm excited to see them again in March. 

--St. Louis was pretty nice as well. To be honest, the combination of all the traveling to and from Memphis and finals kicked my ass from an energy standpoint, so while there were people I should have seen and things I should have done and didn't, I enjoyed my time there. As always, it was awesome to get the chance to spend time with my Katykat...who was pretty much the only person I saw who wasn't family. I'll be better about fitting everyone in next time.  I'm also excited to be THERE in March.

--New Years was a non-event. I had an irish coffee and a Mythbusters marathon while my parents watched Star Wars. Hell, the only one of us that had anything to do was Cody, who went to some band party function with his ladyfriend. So...yay New Years. Whatever. Pretty much since I've left the Lou, it's turned into just another night.

--The semester started Monday, and...it'll be fine. Another semester of too much studying and wearing out my brain. Yanno. Things I've gotten used to. (I'm trying to muster enthuasium, and right now I'm worn out from the four hours of homework I just finished.)


...this is intensely condensed and scrimped on the details, mostly because I'm tired and my brain is jelly. I'll put some face time soon and actually expand upon my life, but...for those of you that keep track of my shenanigans via this blog, update. It happened. ;)

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