Things happen for a reason.
Example: Once upon a time, there was a cute barista working at a coffee shop. She loved this job, but occasionally she got frustrated with it. There was a customer, an old man who said several inappropriate things to this cute barista. When she tried to talk to her boss and owner about the situation and explain that she was uncomfortable, the owner made the snide remark, "Work it for tips."
This angered the cute barista.
The barista loved her job, but did not want to work for a skeez-ball like the owner, and began looking for another job. She wandered into a mall, wandered into a Retail Establishment, and asked the manager if they were hiring. Turns out they were looking for seasonal help. She filled out an application, thinking maybe that spending less time at the coffee shop might help her, at least til she could find something full time.
She was hired at this particular retail establishment and soon after began her training. It was during this training that a lovely boy ran into the back office, interrupting the manager's droning speech about customer service. The cute barista and the lovely boy exchanged names and he made a joke that made her laugh. She liked him immediately.
The barista and the boy clicked, and the more they chatted, the more they grew to enjoy each other's company. One day this lovely boy asked her how she felt about a band. She had heard this band some, but hadn't given them a lot of time. She told him this, and he lent her a book that accompanied an album to read on a trip. This book and album gave her something to talk about with her ex-stepdad's girlfriend on this trip, thus making her look like the dutiful and wonderful daughter she always strived to be. This book also helped this girl to realize that she really liked this band, and upon her return, she downloaded the rest of their catalog, and listened incessantly.
However, this barista was not cut out for retail. She also realized that this cute boy had a fiance, and that she was in danger of getting far too emotionally attached. So, she put in her two weeks at this Retail Establishment and decided to focus on the coffee shop again. She tried to put distance between herself and the lovely boy, but it was hard, as they enjoyed each other's company. He'd come visit her at work. He asked her to spend time with him. She'd occasionally oblige, but tried her best to keep her distance and not ruin things.
Everything was fine until the manager of the coffee shop announced to her that the shop would be closing in a week. The cute barista was at a loss. This was her second home, her second family. What would she do? Where would she go?
The coffee shop closed, and the lovely boy was there on the last day, hugging her while she cried and pondered her future. The lovely boy was proving to be a good friend, someone who cared about her a lot.
Things got worse for the cute barista, as she lost her job, then her apartment, and then her mind. The lovely boy was never far away, checking in on her, making sure she was ok, and making her smile.
Things were hard for the cute barista and the Lovely boy. There were feelings there, feelings that couldn't be acted upon because of the Fiance. And while they both tried to deny it, things came to a head one New Years Eve, and the cute barista found herself in a tricky position. She didn't want to make this boy's life any more difficult than it already was, but at the same time, it killed her inside to watch him try and make things work with the Fiance when it was painfully obvious that they were not a good match. It made the cute barista sad.
The cute barista eventually found another job in another coffee shop. However, this *other* coffee shop was vastly different from her previous shop, and she hated it. After one particularly rough shift, the cute barista called her Mother crying.
"Mother, I cannot take any more of this. I'm miserable. I'm broke, losing my apartment and working a job I cannot stand. I'm unhappy with my position in life."
Her Mother sat on the phone silent for a second, then uttered the following.
"Maybe, Cute Barista, you should move to Florida. You'd be with me and I would be able to help you fix the things that are making you unhappy."
The cute barista took this suggestion under serious consideration. What was keeping the cute barista in her current town? Not much it seemed. The lovely boy and Fiance would be leaving soon. The cute barista was almost finished with school. She hated her job and needed a home. So, she called Mother back and told her that she would move to Florida, once the semester ended and her degree was obtained.
Things with the cute barista and the lovely boy were strained after the encounter and they did not speak as much. This was not to say that the lovely boy strayed far from her mind, but she also knew that she needed to back off before she messed up the boy's life even more than she already had.
The cute barista left for Florida a couple of months later, and found herself thinking about the boy as she drove through his former place of residence, which he loved so. She talked to him a bit that night, and it made her happy to hear from him.
She arrived in Florida and began trying to rebuild a life. She had a place to live with a Sunshine-filled Roommate. She also focused on rebuilding her mind, which involved lots of Doctors. This annoyed the cute barista, as she was not a fan of Doctors. She often found herself drifting off in thought and thinking about the lovely boy. She missed him a lot, and hoped he was doing well.
A few months later, out of the blue, the lovely boy got in touch with the cute barista. He dropped a news-bomb on her: his relationship with the Fiance was over. He was sad about this, but was also happy, in that he could do the things he wanted to do without having to compromise. This involved talking to the cute barista, as well as other activities.
The cute barista was overjoyed at the reemergence of the lovely boy in her life. This helped her to be happy, and thus helped her to get rid of a few of the Doctors in her life, as well as the Medicines and Therapy they forced her to do. The cute barista and lovely boy have planned several trips to be together, including one on New Years, the anniversary of that first connection.
None of this would have happened, if not for a snide remark and creepy old man's inappropriate behavior.
This case is rested.
[...Oh, and that band the lovely boy suggested to the cute barista? She drove four hours to see them in concert by herself, and they've become one of her music staples.]
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
"You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops..."
I have a job interview tomorrow with a law school campus coffee shop. I have an interview for a coffee shop that is just opening in Tampa on Wednesday. I'm also planning on going to *another* shop in Madeira Beach and dropping off a resume.
...because I got let go at AttB. Which sucks.
It's amiable. Well...about as amiable as I can be when I'm getting screwed over. But. There are no *real* hard feelings. I know me...I'll probably still roll in there and bug them often, as per everyone's request. I'm going in tomorrow to turn in my key and meet with Taylor. Hopefully, I'll have that bookstore job in the bag by then, and can feel ok about this. It's been one of those weekends where I've gone from crying in bed to smashing things to acceptance of this...all within two minutes.
But. I'm done emotionally reacting and am now in survival mode. (Although I grow weary of having to click into survival mode so often.)
My mom and Greg have both been super awesome at making sure I didn't lose my shit, as well as KT, who has seen me lose my shit so many times she should write a manual in handling me. (It would involve tacos and coffee, I'm sure.)
*sigh*
It may seem irresponsible, but I'm going to go ahead and book the boy's ticket for New Years. Honestly, I contemplated not doing it, but...this is something we both need. Yeah, this isn't a survival "food-water-shelter" kind of need, but moreso a mental health need. We both need a break, and we need to be together, even if it's just for a few days.
I also would like to know where my copy of the Royal Tennenbuams is. Stupid DVD-eating room. Happens every time I clean...I lose things.
Mk. I'm off to go watch movies and enjoy this cloudy day. I'll post an update after interviews, I'm sure.
...because I got let go at AttB. Which sucks.
It's amiable. Well...about as amiable as I can be when I'm getting screwed over. But. There are no *real* hard feelings. I know me...I'll probably still roll in there and bug them often, as per everyone's request. I'm going in tomorrow to turn in my key and meet with Taylor. Hopefully, I'll have that bookstore job in the bag by then, and can feel ok about this. It's been one of those weekends where I've gone from crying in bed to smashing things to acceptance of this...all within two minutes.
But. I'm done emotionally reacting and am now in survival mode. (Although I grow weary of having to click into survival mode so often.)
My mom and Greg have both been super awesome at making sure I didn't lose my shit, as well as KT, who has seen me lose my shit so many times she should write a manual in handling me. (It would involve tacos and coffee, I'm sure.)
*sigh*
It may seem irresponsible, but I'm going to go ahead and book the boy's ticket for New Years. Honestly, I contemplated not doing it, but...this is something we both need. Yeah, this isn't a survival "food-water-shelter" kind of need, but moreso a mental health need. We both need a break, and we need to be together, even if it's just for a few days.
I also would like to know where my copy of the Royal Tennenbuams is. Stupid DVD-eating room. Happens every time I clean...I lose things.
Mk. I'm off to go watch movies and enjoy this cloudy day. I'll post an update after interviews, I'm sure.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Money.
It's 3am. Right now I'm so hot, I'm contemplating shaving my head. It's also November 17th. (#firstworldfloridaproblems)
Speaking of first world problems, I'd like to do something I rarely do. (I don't think I've ever done, at least here) and take a second to respond to a blog posty a friend of mine wrote.
This friend of mine is probably one of the smartest, most hard working people I know. She's usually trucking around with two jobs and school, mostly art classes, which I am convinced after being connected with numerous art kids over the years, take way more work and dedication than more traditional non-creative classes. She's in an amazing relationship, lives on her own, is doing what she loves, has a great cuuute dog and apartment and a social life.
Oh, and she's generally broke off her ass.
And then there's me. I have a job, after months of searching. I make just above minimum wage with tips. I pay all of my bills myself, minus the phone bill, which I split with mom, because that's how family plans work, and rent. I don't pay my own rent. I hate this. However, my mother has offered to pay it, because there's no way I could honestly afford it on my own.
Pam wrote a blog about how...well, it's almost impossible to be financially thriving within our generation as twenty-somethings, either finishing up in school or graduated with a degree. We're *surviving*, but not thriving. and there are a lot of kids, like me, who cannot claim their full financial independence. Some of them, like me, dream of being able to do as such. and others...others don't mind the mooching off their parents.
This is something I wish I could understand.
I almost killed myself trying to make it on my own. Literally. Losing my job last year almost killed me, in that I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, was working my ass off trying to afford just the bare minimum of bills and rent...and couldn't do it. I slept in my car, just to avoid trying to move back in with my grandparents. I sold some of my stuff to pawn shops and the like, trying to be able to come up with some sort of cushion. During all of this, my depression worsens (how could it not, given these circumstances?) and...well, I end up doing something stupid and going to the psych ward. Which was a pretty hard decision to make, one that I could barely make because of my fear of trying to pay for it.
I thank God every day for Beck and Garrett basically forcing me to go. In looking back, I'm glad I did. Because while it was an awful experience, I needed it. It was the tipping point, and I needed to own the fact that I could not do this on my own. I needed help, on a multitude of planes.
So, why rehash all of this shit that you already know, gentle reader? To prove a point.
I ACTUALLY MADE THE ATTEMPT TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Had it not been for IAG closing with such short notice and thus putting life into a pretty shitastic tailspin, I'd probably still be in my little apartment, on my own, struggling but making it back in the Lou.
These kids that are mooching off their parents, still, at my age...I cannot wrap my head around it. For the first time in my working life, I'm letting my mom help me financially in a semi-major way with my rent. This comes after years of lending her money, helping to pay her bills, even when she was states away, of going without to make sure that she was ok. In the divorce, she got rid of a giant financial burden: Bob. For the first time in her life, she is with a partner who understands what it means to LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS, and that oh-so-simple concept that the bills get paid, and then the fun happens with whatever is left.
For the first time in a long time, she can actually afford to help me financially, and for the first time in a long time, I can actually afford to *let* her help me financially.
However, I refuse to let this be a forever kind of thing. Because, while I am grateful, every day, that she *understands* me well enough to know that I need some sort of independence and that while I love her, living with her would only make me feel worse about myself and my situation, I also hate the fact that I am a financial burden. She understood how awful living with my grandparents all that time was, not because of the actual living situation (because they're great, despite the little tiffs we had, which happen) but because I felt like such a huge burden on them.
Why do so many people my age not have that? That burden feeling? Why do they feel entitled to have their parents take care of them, still, at my age and beyond?
Which brings me back to shaving my head due to the heat.
Right now, Paul's unemployed, still. It's been almost a year and a half of him trying to find a job in his field. His unemployment benefits are about to run out, so...we're cutting back on a lot. Including air conditioning, which, if you've ever been to Florida, you know is pretty effin important. Hence, why it's 85 degrees in here, and I can't sleep because I'm melting, and I'm sitting here, ranting about financial independence at 4am. But you know what?
I may be melting, but hell, at least I'm living within my means.
Speaking of first world problems, I'd like to do something I rarely do. (I don't think I've ever done, at least here) and take a second to respond to a blog posty a friend of mine wrote.
This friend of mine is probably one of the smartest, most hard working people I know. She's usually trucking around with two jobs and school, mostly art classes, which I am convinced after being connected with numerous art kids over the years, take way more work and dedication than more traditional non-creative classes. She's in an amazing relationship, lives on her own, is doing what she loves, has a great cuuute dog and apartment and a social life.
Oh, and she's generally broke off her ass.
And then there's me. I have a job, after months of searching. I make just above minimum wage with tips. I pay all of my bills myself, minus the phone bill, which I split with mom, because that's how family plans work, and rent. I don't pay my own rent. I hate this. However, my mother has offered to pay it, because there's no way I could honestly afford it on my own.
Pam wrote a blog about how...well, it's almost impossible to be financially thriving within our generation as twenty-somethings, either finishing up in school or graduated with a degree. We're *surviving*, but not thriving. and there are a lot of kids, like me, who cannot claim their full financial independence. Some of them, like me, dream of being able to do as such. and others...others don't mind the mooching off their parents.
This is something I wish I could understand.
I almost killed myself trying to make it on my own. Literally. Losing my job last year almost killed me, in that I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, was working my ass off trying to afford just the bare minimum of bills and rent...and couldn't do it. I slept in my car, just to avoid trying to move back in with my grandparents. I sold some of my stuff to pawn shops and the like, trying to be able to come up with some sort of cushion. During all of this, my depression worsens (how could it not, given these circumstances?) and...well, I end up doing something stupid and going to the psych ward. Which was a pretty hard decision to make, one that I could barely make because of my fear of trying to pay for it.
I thank God every day for Beck and Garrett basically forcing me to go. In looking back, I'm glad I did. Because while it was an awful experience, I needed it. It was the tipping point, and I needed to own the fact that I could not do this on my own. I needed help, on a multitude of planes.
So, why rehash all of this shit that you already know, gentle reader? To prove a point.
I ACTUALLY MADE THE ATTEMPT TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Had it not been for IAG closing with such short notice and thus putting life into a pretty shitastic tailspin, I'd probably still be in my little apartment, on my own, struggling but making it back in the Lou.
These kids that are mooching off their parents, still, at my age...I cannot wrap my head around it. For the first time in my working life, I'm letting my mom help me financially in a semi-major way with my rent. This comes after years of lending her money, helping to pay her bills, even when she was states away, of going without to make sure that she was ok. In the divorce, she got rid of a giant financial burden: Bob. For the first time in her life, she is with a partner who understands what it means to LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS, and that oh-so-simple concept that the bills get paid, and then the fun happens with whatever is left.
For the first time in a long time, she can actually afford to help me financially, and for the first time in a long time, I can actually afford to *let* her help me financially.
However, I refuse to let this be a forever kind of thing. Because, while I am grateful, every day, that she *understands* me well enough to know that I need some sort of independence and that while I love her, living with her would only make me feel worse about myself and my situation, I also hate the fact that I am a financial burden. She understood how awful living with my grandparents all that time was, not because of the actual living situation (because they're great, despite the little tiffs we had, which happen) but because I felt like such a huge burden on them.
Why do so many people my age not have that? That burden feeling? Why do they feel entitled to have their parents take care of them, still, at my age and beyond?
Which brings me back to shaving my head due to the heat.
Right now, Paul's unemployed, still. It's been almost a year and a half of him trying to find a job in his field. His unemployment benefits are about to run out, so...we're cutting back on a lot. Including air conditioning, which, if you've ever been to Florida, you know is pretty effin important. Hence, why it's 85 degrees in here, and I can't sleep because I'm melting, and I'm sitting here, ranting about financial independence at 4am. But you know what?
I may be melting, but hell, at least I'm living within my means.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween, the 24th edition
No, my blogglings, I didn't forget about you. I've just been a busy girl, in that whole way that I don't do much and yet manage to kill lots of time.
So...updates...updates...
All right.
Update #1: Mama n Dave got a puppy! Her name is Britta, she's a sevenish month old husky/German Shepard mix, and my absolute new favorite thing in life. I love this friggin dog. So. Effin. Much. She's a GIANT spaz, chewing everything and everyone in existence.
How on Earth can you say no to this face?
Update #2: Speaking of pets, Schubs is in the process of downsizing her animal collection, and I'm going to be adopting this little fuzzy bunnyball. Chewie's always been my favorite, and I never thought that I'd be taking in the little guy, but holy jeez, I'm super excited. He's going to be making the trip down to Florida with Katie when she comes to visit. (Of which she will be paid in hugs, my cooking, and sushi.) I'm so excited to have this little guy become part of my little family.
Update #3: The Cardinals won the World Series! Somehow, some way, I got dragged into watching the playoffs and caring about baseball for once. I have a feeling it has something to do with this goofball here.
...speaking of that goofball, things are great. We talk all the time, skype has been really awesome in making him feel a little less far away, and well...I'm working on getting the monies together to trip up to see him as soon as I can. He makes me smile....ok, he makes me grin like a complete doofus. There have been a lot of little things that make feel comfortable and secure in this...whatevership. The connection between us is definitely growing, and I just...I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say, aside from the fact that things are good, he's amazing, and I cannot wait to see him, whenever that ends up being.
Update #4: Burgy the Bridesmaid strikes! Stephie, one of my oldest and dearest friends, asked me if I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and well...I agreed. She knows me, knows that I will be awkward and goofy and has come to terms with the fact that most of her wedding pictures will have faces and awkwardness like this in them.
But in all honesty...the dress is actually quite pretty. I don't hate it. I just need to get it altered, because it's huge on me.
Update #5: Work is awesome. I love my job. Been there about a month, and well...I'm SO glad to NOT be working at Steam. I'm STILL trying to get this woman to pay me for the two weeks I was there, which is driving me batty. I need that money for a trip to Memphis (or to catch up on my student loans...whichever strikes my fancy)...and well, her deadline of November first is here. If it's not in my mailbox today, I start getting authorities and business codes on her ass. It's been over a month, and well...it doesn't take six weeks to mail a durn check. The end.
Update #6: I've come to a place where I feel like I can comfortably stop going to therapy. It wasn't a decision I came to lightly, and talked about it ad nauseum with my mom and a few close compatriots. For now, I'm going to keep going with the medication, but...honestly, I've been forgetting to take it a lot as of late. oops.
Honestly, I'm happy. I'm a bit lonely at times with my friends being so scattered across the country, but you know what? They still love me, I still love them, and well...there's a reason I'm paying so much for this durn phone, and on the internet, and bought this webcam. I'll make friends when I'm meant to make friends, and that's that.
I have another writing project I've been brainstorming and planning, as well as the merchandising project at work, the photo-collage project I've been trying to get together, and of course, the Great Reorganization, which STILL needs finishing. I've got three or four books I've been reading, practicing poker online, gaming, and playing with the pupster.
All right. It's 2:30 in the morning, I should try and get some sleep...or at least enjoy the fact that there are copious amounts of horror movies on cable, for once. I love Halloween.
I'll be better about writing, promise. :)
So...updates...updates...
All right.
Update #1: Mama n Dave got a puppy! Her name is Britta, she's a sevenish month old husky/German Shepard mix, and my absolute new favorite thing in life. I love this friggin dog. So. Effin. Much. She's a GIANT spaz, chewing everything and everyone in existence.
How on Earth can you say no to this face?
Update #2: Speaking of pets, Schubs is in the process of downsizing her animal collection, and I'm going to be adopting this little fuzzy bunnyball. Chewie's always been my favorite, and I never thought that I'd be taking in the little guy, but holy jeez, I'm super excited. He's going to be making the trip down to Florida with Katie when she comes to visit. (Of which she will be paid in hugs, my cooking, and sushi.) I'm so excited to have this little guy become part of my little family.
Update #3: The Cardinals won the World Series! Somehow, some way, I got dragged into watching the playoffs and caring about baseball for once. I have a feeling it has something to do with this goofball here.
...speaking of that goofball, things are great. We talk all the time, skype has been really awesome in making him feel a little less far away, and well...I'm working on getting the monies together to trip up to see him as soon as I can. He makes me smile....ok, he makes me grin like a complete doofus. There have been a lot of little things that make feel comfortable and secure in this...whatevership. The connection between us is definitely growing, and I just...I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say, aside from the fact that things are good, he's amazing, and I cannot wait to see him, whenever that ends up being.
Update #4: Burgy the Bridesmaid strikes! Stephie, one of my oldest and dearest friends, asked me if I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and well...I agreed. She knows me, knows that I will be awkward and goofy and has come to terms with the fact that most of her wedding pictures will have faces and awkwardness like this in them.
But in all honesty...the dress is actually quite pretty. I don't hate it. I just need to get it altered, because it's huge on me.
Update #5: Work is awesome. I love my job. Been there about a month, and well...I'm SO glad to NOT be working at Steam. I'm STILL trying to get this woman to pay me for the two weeks I was there, which is driving me batty. I need that money for a trip to Memphis (or to catch up on my student loans...whichever strikes my fancy)...and well, her deadline of November first is here. If it's not in my mailbox today, I start getting authorities and business codes on her ass. It's been over a month, and well...it doesn't take six weeks to mail a durn check. The end.
Update #6: I've come to a place where I feel like I can comfortably stop going to therapy. It wasn't a decision I came to lightly, and talked about it ad nauseum with my mom and a few close compatriots. For now, I'm going to keep going with the medication, but...honestly, I've been forgetting to take it a lot as of late. oops.
Honestly, I'm happy. I'm a bit lonely at times with my friends being so scattered across the country, but you know what? They still love me, I still love them, and well...there's a reason I'm paying so much for this durn phone, and on the internet, and bought this webcam. I'll make friends when I'm meant to make friends, and that's that.
I have another writing project I've been brainstorming and planning, as well as the merchandising project at work, the photo-collage project I've been trying to get together, and of course, the Great Reorganization, which STILL needs finishing. I've got three or four books I've been reading, practicing poker online, gaming, and playing with the pupster.
All right. It's 2:30 in the morning, I should try and get some sleep...or at least enjoy the fact that there are copious amounts of horror movies on cable, for once. I love Halloween.
I'll be better about writing, promise. :)
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