I'm realizing that I am way too self reliant...to the point where I don't know how to let people in.
The idea of romantic relationships has been floating around in my world lately. The situation with "the boy" is honestly one of the more annoying things happening in my world right now, but only because my standards of what I think I deserve are so high. It's hard. I refuse to date just to be "with" someone, because being "with" myself is hard enough sometimes, without dealing with other people's junk. However, there most definitely are moments of loneliness, a craving for that sort of connection. However, with "the boy" I don't feel it. I feel a friendship connection, and even then, one of those friendships, where, like a few other boys I know, I don't see very often because I know of their feelings for me and it makes me feel guilty.
Think about the logistics of romantic relationships for a second. It's sort of amazing that anyone gets together at all. I mean, there are a lot of prerequisites:
-You have to like someone in a romantic fashion.
-They have to like you in a romantic fashion.
-You have to like each other at the *same time*.
-You have to like ONLY them and have no previous connection.
-They have to like ONLY you and have no previous connection.
-You have to be in a similar region/willing to stick it out outside of that region.
See? It's harder than one might think....but at the same time, when it happens, really truly happens, it's the simplest thing in the world.
"The boy" is simple, but not in a way that is romantic or comfortable. He's simple in that his plane of existence is simple. His activities and life are simple, and well...it just wouldn't work between us.
He makes me feel guilty. I enjoy being thought of romantically. I enjoy being liked. I just wish the thoughts were coming from someone else.
*sigh*
I can't focus anymore. My tummy is rumbling.
Here are a couple songs that seem to be speaking to me this morning.
Bright Eyes--A Perfect Sonnet
http://www.mediafire.com/?znwmmzfzyyn
Come Pick Me Up--Ryan Adams
http://www.mediafire.com/?uwmdybvimqn
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