Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
IAG is closing. Friday, the last day. I will have worked the first day we opened, and will be the last one working on the last day. Eesh.
Put in an app at Sbux. I didn't want to, but...I need a job. I need to stay in coffee, or lose my sanity.
Things are complicated, rough, stupid, depressing. We've all been spending so much time at the store since the announcement Friday. It's weird to roll up there and not see at least one other kid not scheduled there.
I am struggling so hard. I keep hearing that this is a part of God's plan, that we all will look back and understand. I hear it. I appreciate what they're saying. However, I don't believe it. I can't believe it. All I see right now is chaos, uncertainty. Sadness.
I'm behind in school, again. I can't bring myself to anything but a sense of guilty apathy. I'm still not unpacked at the apartment. Yet...apathy. I'm feeling apathetic in just about every area of my life. I had pushed through a rough patch at work, and everything felt right as rain. Now, this.
I'm craving the loving smiles of friends right now, and there just seems to be an intense lack of it. We're all sad. There are so many people I'm going to miss. Not just other employees, but customers. My regulars who brighten my day. Sometimes the only thing keeping me from bashing my head against the wall is Mrs. G's smile, or a hilarious story from Eric, or Anthony's snarky comments. I just...what am I going to do without them?
Monetary worries are secondary, but oh so present.
I know me. I'll bounce back into another job. I'll grow to love it, and I'll always have fond memories of the mug. I know that I'm resilient and tough and the myriad of other things people have been telling me. but I feel none of that right now. I feel like a quivering mess of depressed and furious jello right now.
Blugh.
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