2011, you are too complicated for me.

I find myself making life way more complicated than it needs to be. It's a thing. A thing I do.

And now, here I am. Once again, making a situation more complicated than it should have ever been. And I'm kicking myself for it.

But at the same time...not. At the same time, I need to be open to experiencing things. I need to be able to live in the moment.

I need to figure out how to balance these two parts of myself out. I need to be able to figure out how to live in the moment without taking the next week to analyze every second of it.

So...it's D-day. Today I'm marching the beach. Time to put this painful analysis to rest. To speak my mind, not to my lovely friends who have all been painfully patient with me, but to the other person in this situation.

I have to be strong. I have to be gentle. Everything's fragile, but I cannot be willing to compromise. I cannot sweep my feelings under the rug and pretend like they don't exist. I have to hold my temper if things don't go my way.

If need be, I have to be willing to walk out and never look back.

...I don't think I am, though. And therein lies the problem.

I can handle this. I've handled worse. I just have to keep my wits about me.

I'll have my answers tonight. Until then...I have the Decemberists and my lovely friends to distract me.

I'm eternally grateful for them. <3