brain vomit.

So. Greg more than likely is going to wait til October to come down. Which...sucks mildly, but I understand. He doesn't want to miss more class than he has to, and he's already going to more than likely take the day off that Wednesday to fly down. But he also talked about coming down for New Years, and having me come up for his spring break so we can go to Gatlinburg.

He and I spent six hours on the phone last night. Six. Intense. Some serious conversation, some silly conversation...a little bit of everything. We discussed what we wanted to do while he was here. We talked about the past, the present, and the future. A large part of me was hoping he'd call again tonight, but I don't want to bug him and now it's faaaar too late.

I'm confused. He confuses me. He says things that lead me to believe he wants to eventually get serious, but at the same time, says that he really doesn't, at least not for a long time. And once again, I get it--considering he just got out of an engagement and a several years long relationship less than a month ago.

I have my first psychologist appointment Monday. Not really looking forward to it, but I know it's something that needs to be done. Then going back to the psychiatrist later in the week to discuss medication. again.

Talked to my mom a little bit about the job thing and how I'm still kinda not really completely ready. And she understands, but wants me to keep looking. I'm just scared that I don't feel stable enough to be a reliable employee...and I don't want to fuck things up. I feel like crap having to leave several places off my resume in the first place.

and yet another boy has decided to profess his adoration of me...seriously. Why. Let's quit this. He's one of the StL kids, and well...he's sweet, but we had already established that things would go nowhere. So...I had to reiterate it, which made me feel like crap, but at the same time...needed to be done. He said basically that he understood, but felt better just coming out and sharing his feelings.

I can't help but wonder why now, I suppose. Why now have several boys in my life decided to look at me in a different way? And I can't help but wonder what I've done differently as of late to attract the attention...I'm not seeking it out. The only person I really sought out was Greg. It's always been about him, since I met him. Which...is an issue.

*sigh* I feel like writing right now isn't getting me anywhere. I need to sleep.