warning: a girly post.

In exactly two months from today, I'll be getting ready for Greg to get here the next morning. Will I know exactly what will happen? No. Of course not.

It's hard for me not to think of us as something more than friends, especially now that Brooke is out of the picture. Especially considering a lot of the things we've talked about. But. We've established that we both care about each other. However: 1)his engagement just ended a couple weeks ago 2)I am in Florida, he is in Memphis 3)I need to get my mental shit together, once and for all. 4)He needs to get his shit together, once and for all.

I just...I'm torn. It doesn't help that there are a TON of mixed signals happening. I think he's scared, rightfully so. I know I'm scared. This connection is like nothing I've ever felt before. Blows the past relationships out of the water...and this isn't even a real relationship. I've never spent six hours on the phone with anyone and had things to talk about the entire time. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. Never felt electricity when being around them...hell, even sometimes just thinking about him. He's on my mind...a lot. More often than not.

We've talked about things we want to do: touristy things, like the Dali Museum. He wants to meet my mum (has made a big deal about this actually, which I find strange...meeting parents always seems like such a *relationship* thing). He wants to go watch the sun set on the beach and drink wine. Take me out places. Spend plenty of time in bed, cuddling, watching movies, and...whatnot. There was even talk of a day trip to Disneyworld (I've never been and apparently this is flabbergasting to him...sorry, we grew up hella poor) and getting a hotel for the night. He actually pushed the trip back a couple of weeks "to make sure he had enough money to romance me properly."

However, this is nothing serious...just fun.

I don't understand. Am I supposed to?

Someone explain it to me.

I go back and forth between severe confusion and acceptance. At the end of the day, this is where we are in things. It's not going to change...at least til I can be with him, face to face.

I've talked to my mom about this a bit, and after stalking him on facebook, she has decided that she likes him and that basically I'm free to do whatever, but she is refusing to let me move until my mental status is better.

I just...gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

There's a word I want to use, but cannot bring myself to say aloud. Or even type. I just...I can't afford to acknowledge it.

...I think I'm in over my head.